He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
