ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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