he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
