First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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