god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
