Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
