Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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