Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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