lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
