More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
