So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
