k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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