Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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