He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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