Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
