you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
