But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
