Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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