now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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