either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
