TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
