just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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