the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
