remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
