My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
