Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
