WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
