He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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