An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
