the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
