I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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