how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
