please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
