Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
