I could make wine with my vomit
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
