i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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