I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
