one two three fourrrrnication!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
