At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
