mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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