Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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