He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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