the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
