Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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