Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
