she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
