You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
