I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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