Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
