You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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