Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
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