how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
