my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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