god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Help. Why am I so naked?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
