I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
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