the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
