All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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