I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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