what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
