swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
