tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize