There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
