I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it's like iHOP with fire
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
