Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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