I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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