She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
