paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
