I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
