My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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