this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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